Sunday, April 26, 2009

Jeff is amidst his journey to mental vapor...

Day 1: Jeff has to write a paper for his class: Soils and Civilizations. This paper is to be close to 8 pages in length and is about the group project that had been stressing the members of Jeff's class out for a couple weeks by this point, because of the fuzzy details surrounding the requirements of its completion. He writes said paper well into the wee hours of Thursday morning. Jeff finds himself printing said paper around 6 a.m.. Jeff sinks to a new low and has breakfast before he has even gone to bed. Upon returning from McDonalds with his two Sausage McMuffins with Egg he finds that his brains have reached a state of Silly-Puttyness. Jeff falls asleep.

Day 2: Jeff wakes up at 11:30 and barely makes it on time to his class at noon. He turns in his paper. He gives a presentation in his Urban American History class. He's so out of it that he doesn't even have time to think about how haggard he must look. He comes home and kills an incredible amount of time. Instead of working on the paper due for Urban American History he goes to a birthday party campfire in the canyon and has fun, but remains stressed about said second paper. He comes home and does some research for this paper... but very little. His friend Kelsie comes over and watches shows online with him and tries to get him to work, but to no avail. Jeff does find many quotes for his paper, but has 0% of his paper done. Jeff finds himself having about his third blood-sugar crash of the week and determines to go get late-night foodat about 3:30 a.m.. Burger King is only serving breakfast. Jeff has now made a habit of eating breakfast before going to bed. Jeff's transition to nocturnaldom is almost complete. Jeff sends Kelsie home at about 5 a.m. and decides to go to bed and finish the paper the next day. His mental state is that of meatloaf.

Day 3: Jeff wakes up at noon and takes a shower to wake himself up a bit. Jeff locks himself in his room and feverishly completes his 8-10 page paper that is due by 5 p.m. that day. Jeff leaves his room once to grab the first thing he sees that is edible in the kitchen. It happens to be a jar of peanut butter that is accessed by a large spoon. Jeff consumes a scoop and continues blazing away at said paper. Jeff sees that there is about a half hour left before his deadline and he's only finishing up the conclusion to his paper. Jeff completes his Chicago Manual of Style footnotes in the fastest time he could imagine any human being compiling them. He saves said paper at exactly 5 p.m. and waits frantically as his printer spits it out. Jeff has no time to even read over it once for errors and staples it like he's saving his life. He doesn't have time to do anything else and runs out of his apartment at nearly a full sprint. He doesn't change pace until he reaches the institute building. He continues moving at a rapid pace to Old Main where he prays (literally) that his professor is still waiting in his office. He runs up the stairs past a feverish conversation about the LDS church and its truthfulness or not. At 5:08 pm he finds that the door of the History Department Office is closed. He remembers that there is an alternate way into the office. He finds the door opened and enters. Panting like a madman he sees his professor sitting in his office. With slowly-fading terror on Jeff's face he hands his paper to his professor who says, " Thanks. You're lucky, I was just shutting down my computer to leave." All Jeff can pull together to say between breaths is, "Thank you for still being here." After a couple more small-talk statements Jeff rides the elevator to the first floor. He walks past the before-mentioned conversation still going strong and contemplates how he could tell the bearded-man arguing against the truthfulness of the LDS church that he had just had a small miracle that allowed him to get his paper in on time. As he strolls home, Jeff curses the Logan air as his lungs are burning and he begins having coughing fits. Jeff's mental state at that point is that of cottage cheese. Jeff decides that he needs relaxation time and goes to Wingers with his friend Kelsie and then plays card games at her apartment with his good pal Ty as well. Jeff has fun and comes home and falls asleep at about 3:30 a.m..

Day 4 (today): Jeff wakes up at 1 p.m. and finds as many ways to distract himself from working on paper number 3 as possible. He goes to the store with Spencer and watches the NFL Draft for the first time in his life. He finally resolves to work on said third paper. He goes to the library until 11:15 p.m. and finds three books with valuable information. He finds many sources for his paper on censorship in the People's Republic of China for his Chinese History class. Despite all of this work, he still has yet to open a Word document intended to be the file that will contain his final paper. He's resolved to keep working on said censorship paper until at least 5 a.m.. At about 3 a.m. he sees his camera and gets distracted. He takes the following pictures:

and logs into his blog. His mental state is that of orange juice as he dances to wicked awesome music and writes in the third person about himself.
On my way to mental vapor! See you later!


  1. What a HORRID week! Man, I don't miss that! Good luck catching up on your sleep!

  2. Wait, you took the time to take pictures of yourself and post them to your blog along with this third person account before finishing the other paper? Did you finish it? I suppose I should add some motherly advice, but I'm sure this is somehow my fault...possibly all those nights of keeping you up to watch Mash and Night Court as an I am sorry...I think. Quit Procrastinating!

  3. P.S. I just checked out an ad here on the side for a casting call for you think I have a chance?

  4. I don't know how you are even still alive, really. 2 days and only seven hours of sleep practically killed me, not to mention the next day I spent 3 hours at a tap audition which nearly killed me and then 3 hours at a call back. You are seriously insane, but then again you do sleep until like noon so maybe it makes up for your crazy sleeping habits?