Sunday, August 9, 2009
First we'll start with many random funny quotes from TV/movies:
"If I'm the 'best man,' why is she marrying HIM?!" --Jerry Seinfeld
"Harriet. Harry-ette. Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis. Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? "He wants you back," he screamed into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely. It's really hard. This poem... sucks." --Charlie Mackenzie from "So I Married An Axe Murderer"
"I'm smitten. I'm in deep smit." --Charlie Mackenzie from "So I Married An Axe Murderer"
Scene from "The Truman Show":
Meryl: Hi, honey! Look what I got free at the checkout. It's a "Chef's Pal". It's a dicer, grater, peeler, all in one. Never needs sharpening, dishwasher safe!
Truman: Wow... that's amazing!
"Also, I can kill you with my brain." --River from Firefly ("Trash" episode)
Scene from "Stranger Than Fiction":
Harold Crick: So, are you a frequenter of the Metropolitan Transit Authority too?
Ana Pascal: No. I'm just late.
Harold Crick: Big flag burning to get to?
Ana Pascal: Actually, it's my weekly evil-conspiracy and needlepoint group. You wanna come?
Harold Crick: I left my thimbles and socialist reading material at home.
Kay Eiffel: [narrating] So Harold began to engage in small talk.
Harold Crick: [to Ana] You have very straight teeth.
Ana Pascal: Thanks.
Kay Eiffel: [narrating] *Very* small talk.
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
From Seinfeld: (Talking about George's recently purchased glasses:)
Jerry: Who picked these out?
George: I did.
Jerry: They're ladies glasses. You know all you need is that little chain around your neck so you can wear them while you're playing Canasta.
Also From Seinfeld: (Elaine's seeing a crappy doctor about her dog bite)
Elaine: That's it? I don't need a shot?
Doctor: Not shot, dog bite.
Elaine: No, no, no. I know I wasn't shot. Do I need a shot?
Doctor: Not shot, dog bite. Woof woof; not bang-bang.
Favorite Religious Quotes:
"He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." -- 1st John 4:8
"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever. Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things ye shall be lifted up at the last day." --Alma 37: 36-37, The Book of Mormon
"O be wise; what can I say more?" --Jacob 6:12, The Book of Mormon
"In my ninety-plus years, I have learned a secret. I have learned that when good men and good women face challenges with optimism, things will always work out! Truly, things always work out!"
--Gordon B. Hinckley, Way to Be!
"Happiness is a path that is chosen and endured despite life's pains and sorrows." --Unknown
"It seems that while the average home has increased in size, the average family has decreased in size; and while homes have more time-saving devices, the average family spends less time together. Affluence is up, but happiness is down, as indicated by rising divorce rates. Why isn’t more money buying greater happiness?" --Lynn G. Robbins, "The Cost of Riches"
"No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German Army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulses inside us until we try to fight it, and Christ, because He was the only man who knows to the full what temptation means -- the only complete realist." --C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
"I believe in Christ, so come what may." --Bruce R. McConkie, "I Believe In Christ"